Yesterday I decided to get the big chop..As in, I had my hair cut in a very short pixie style. Over the weekend, my hair started coming out in handfuls. Even though I still had a ton of hair left on my head, hair started getting in my mouth, in my eyes, and all over my clothing. I would find it practically everywhere I was during the day. My scalp was also killing me from the weight of my hair.
My dad and Elliott were supposed to crop it for me when the time came to cut it, but neither one could bring themselves to make it happen. (They were afraid they'd cut me or make it look bad.) So, my good friend Monica, who I like to call my Catholic sister, got me an appointment with her stylist at a salon called Za. Emma (the owner) opened the salon just for me (it's normally closed on Monday)
My Mom, Elliott, and my childhood friend Arden came with me. Initially I was really afraid, so I assembled my small support group. Along with my wig, I brought my scarves, hats, and other accessories. Emma the stylist was so kind and understanding..She made me feel very comfortable and safe which I really appreciated. I told Elliott that I wanted pictures taken of the entire thing. Everyone thought I was crazy, but I really needed to have those pictures...If I decided later to delete them, at least I'd have that choice.
After Emma washed my hair, she showed me pictures of what she wanted to do to with the style. We both decided that a short pixie cut would be best. She began cutting my hair and it felt so amazing to have the weight gone that had been pulling on my scalp and keeping me up at night. I thought it would be traumatic when it happened, but it was actually liberating. I had Elliott take pictures every step of the way until the hair cut was done. One of the stages on the way to the final look reminded me of the cut Keanu Reeves had when he was in the movie Parenthood. (It was his rebel haircut.) We all ended up laughing and having a good time during the process. When the cut was done, there was so much hair, it looked like a cat curled up on the floor..truly amazing and disgusting.
Today, I wore my wig to school, and I was a little nervous...I have to say, I have never gotten so many compliments on my "hair" in my life. I had students say, "Mrs. Gurwitz, your hair looks great! You look beautiful!" I was amused and flattered.
Unfortunately by the end of the day, my head was killing me from the wig cap gripping my scalp so hard. As soon as I got out of the parking lot at school, I tore that thing off of my head.. By the time I got home, I was in tears from pain. I ended up calling the place where I bought my wig and spoke to the owner who barely speaks English. After about 15 minutes of trying to figure out what he was talking about, I finally realized that I didn't have to wear the wig cap over my head anymore. (A wig cap covers hair so that it will fit under the wig.) Now that my hair is almost gone, the wig cap is no longer necessary. I put the wig back on and I didn't want to scream with agony...Thank you God!!!!!
Tomorrow is the honor band's first concert of the year. I am having visions of my wig flying off into the audience if I get too into the music...Pretty scary thought, but at least no one would be bored, and it is a Halloween concert...I'm thinking I could get away with it.
Truth be told, the short (and now almost gone) hair makes me feel very vulnerable. After I took a shower last night, my head felt cold and my hair looked like little wispy feathers on my small head. I felt like a little bald baby. Next chemo is in two days....
Have a wonderful night everyone :)
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