10-4-10 back to work and the miracle of hot sauce

Today I went to work...It was seriously one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life physically.  I didn't even want to go except that my parents and Elliott really pushed me to go.  They said, if you can't make it through the whole day, then just go home..But at least try it.  The morning was pure hell.  I felt queasy, weak, and nauseous.  I ended up having someone walk me to the nurse's office so that I could have a snack.  I can't eat large meals b/c of the nausea..As a result, I get low blood sugar if I don't eat regularly. Anyone who is a teacher knows that it's hard to stop everything once you've started teaching to have a little snack.  At around 10, my dad brought me potato and egg tacos from taco cabana.  I ate one without putting hot sauce on it for fear it would irritate my stomach.  I started feeling better.  I kept smelling the hot sauce throughout the morning as well as the other taco.  The hot sauce was tantalizing.  I thought it was my nose playing tricks on me.  By lunchtime, I could no longer stand it and I ate the remaining taco with some hot sauce.  It tasted amazing and it cleared up my nausea immediately.  I actually loved the feeling of the hot sauce on my tongue.  Weird...

By the end of the day, I was exhausted, but I was proud that I made it through.  I did leave a little bit early from last period, but not that much.  Tonight, I am going for a walk even though I am still queasy.  Whenever I feel terrible, I tell myself that the medicine is working.  Yes, it's killing good cells, but it's killing the cancerous ones too.  Although the cancer I have was caught early and removed, it has a high rate of recurrance.  I have to take this seriously and I have to complete the treatment.  I am determined to get through this.

After my surgery was completed and I went home, I began the recovery process.  I had to sleep in a recliner for 2 months.  I am a horrible sleeper as it is and I have neck problems.  I had a very sleepless two months.  There were times that I cheated and slept on my side b/c I couldn't stand it any longer.  I would take walks around the house and outside.  Elliott would shower with me for a while since I couldn't raise my arms.  He would wash my hair and help me in and out of the shower.  If Elliott wasn't around, my mother would keep me company while I bathed.There were times that I couldn't take care of my toilet needs and needed help with that too.  I am the head of a large band program, a mother, and a wife.  I have many responsibilities in my life.  And here I was...after the surgery...a helpless child again..being bathed and wiped.  It was definitely a piece of humble pie.  It made me realize how much I take my independence for granted and how quickly it can be taken away.

I ended up having another surgery a few weeks later.  One of the pathology reports came back that one of the borders came back too close to the skin.  It is imperative that when cancer is removed that there are clean borders around the site.  I was devastated to hear that I had to have another surgery.  It turned out that there was cancer still there but the borders were cleaned out and I had clean margins.  Anything that was left would have been microscopic and would be taken care of by the chemotherapy.

Tomorrow is another day.  I am still feeling some stomach issues tonight.  I am hoping a walk will take care of that.  Have a wonderful evening my friends

--Chemosabe