Today I went to the music store to purchase some new piano music for my kids. I got my daughter a book of Disney songs with the lyrics written in. (Lately, she has discovered that she can sing and accompany herself on piano!) My son got some flute and piano duets. My son and I have decided that we are going to try to work on a couple of flute and piano pieces which we are both really excited about!
While I was at the music store, I saw some people that I recognized that have known me for years. One of them, after I said hi, didn't even acknowledge me and looked pretty confused. It was obvious that the person didn't recognize me. After that, a couple of people looked at me and gave me these piteous stares..If someone doesn't recognize me, that's one thing..but the stares are absolutely the worst. I know my hair doesn't look the same as it did before, but it is just hair. I have to control myself not to walk over and punch their lights out.... I have gone through a lot, but there are others that have it far worse. These people can take their ogling stares and shove them.
Maybe this reaction is extreme, and I would never hurt anyone, but this is how I feel. Maybe I am feeling extra frustration today because I am trying desperately to lose weight and nothing is happening. In fact, I gained a couple of pounds from the weekend.
One of my facebook friends said that maybe people don't know that I have had cancer and chemo. And, also it is possible they think I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis because of my spiky white hair. He then said, "Go with it..Suggest they hang around to meet your new teenage lover."
In general, I have been feeling less achy, but I have been drinking 2 1/2 quarts of water a day and exercising...I think those two things are making positive difference in how I feel physically.
The process of recovering from the cancer and living with its consequences is a pretty tough battle. I hope I get better at coping and I hope I ultimately win.
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