Chemo and my dreamlike state of being

Today begins the halfway mark with chemo and I just got back from my first treatment of taxol, that I will receive once a week for 12 weeks.  I had to wear frozen mittens and booties during the course of the treatment so that the chemo won't go to the hands and feet causing neuropathy. The nurse also loaded me up with benedryl, ativan (a calming agent), and some anti-nausea meds..The best way to describe the way I feel now is drunk..

Lately, before this treatment,  I have been having issues with sleeping and awake time.  It seems as though I am in a constant dreamlike state, even when I'm awake.  I can still drive my car, teach my classes, and interact with people.  But there seems to be a fog around me that I can't penetrate...It also feels like everyone around me is moving really fast and I'm moving really slowly.  At night, when I dream, the dreams are so real that when I wake up I'm not sure if what I dreamed was reality or not.  When I'm sleeping most nights, especially right after chemo, it's a very deep sleep and it is continuous throughout the night.

I have many recurring dreams during these long sleeps, but I couldn't tell you what they all are. Just as I'm about to drift off, I recognize that one of my recurring dreams is coming up...Sort of like a movie preview.. I just forget what the preview was when I wake up.

Some of the recurring dreams I have quite often are weather related.  I very often have a dream of being very close to a tornado.  I'm outside and the wind is roaring and debris is flying everywhere.  I run into a house and try to hide, but I have this sick fascination with the tornado..So I go back outside and just stare at it without blinking just to see it all.  Miraculously, it doesn't harm me. 

Another recurring dream that I have is about elevators.  I have always had fears of dropping in an elevator and crashing to the floor. In these dreams, I never crash to the floor, but the velocity of the falling elevator throws me on my back and I'm stuck to the ceiling facing the floor.  I don't know if this could really happen in a falling elevator or if I'm watching too many Bugs Bunny cartoons..I keep trying to peel myself off the ceiling of the elevator because people are staring at me..I keep thinking to myself, "Why do these assholes keep looking at me?  We're all plummeting to our deaths, they should be bracing for impact.

I almost always have flying dreams.  In the dream if I want to fly, I run as fast as I can and jump with my arms flapping away from my body.  I immediately take off into the sky.  Most of the times in my dreams, I'm flying at night and I'm trying to escape something or someone.  I hide in trees or on roofs of buildings.  Landing is always the most fearful for me..and I actually never remember doing it.

I am still quite drunk, so I'm going to go take a quick nap in my other world.  I was really worried about this treatment, and so far it seems to have gone ok.  I'll keep you posted :)

Happy Holidays and good naps to all,
Chemosabe