The day of chemo 1--9/30/10 at 2:22 a.m.

Since I am not sleeping, I decided to go ahead and write.  I think it's the combination of the steroids and other supplements..All day yesterday and actually right now, I feel like I could go to the gym and pump some iron or do a kickboxing class..This is some pretty crazy stuff I'm taking!!

Back to before the surgery....My surgery was on August 5, 2010.  It was going to be a 9 1/2 hour micro-surgery double mastectomy with DIEP flap.   In the DIEP flap, surgeons actually use a microscope and laser to attach blood vessels to my new breasts and "flap" which is the new areola and nipple.  The flap is actually skin taken from the abdomen and grafted on.  Anyway, for about a month before the surgery, I was in full panic mode.  I had never been put under for any kind of surgery much less an 9 1/2 hour one. The most extensive surgeries I had ever had before that were the two c-sections that I had for the births of my children, Ethan 10 and Zoe 6.  Of course I was awake for those!!  I had been exercising before the cancer diagnosis, but after I knew I was having the surgery, I began riding my bike every day..I felt as if I was getting ready for the marathon of my life.  It turns out that exercise was the best thing I could have done for myself.

There are some interesting phenomena that occurred before my surgery and diagnosis.  Recently, my husband Elliott began working for NEISD construction management.  When the time came for him to decide on benefits, I remembered a presentation that went on at Bradley about cancer insurance.  Usually, I turn my brain off during faculty meetings, but for this one, I was wide awake and paying attention.  The presenter said that 1 in 3 people will get cancer in their lifetimes.  I remember thinking, both Elliott and I have cancer in our families (no breast cancer on my side though), so this insurance might be a good thing.  I still remember the day that Elliott had to figure out what insurance to get.  He was already on my regular insurance plan...He asked me, should I get any extra insurance?  It's time for open-enrollment.  I told him to get the cancer insurance and to get the premium level to cover the family.  He thought I was nuts, but I insisted on him getting it as well as the highest level of life insurance for both of us and our kids.  I don't know why I was so adamant, but I was...Five months later I got my diagnosis.  Between the regular insurance and the cancer insurance, we haven't had to pay a cent for anything.

A few months before that, we were looking for new couches for our living room.  We looked and looked and decided on lazy-boy couches that are fully reclined...I'm so glad we did that b/c after my surgery, I had to sleep in a recliner for 2 months and Elliott could be there on the other couch sleeping comfortably too.

The night before my surgery, Elliott, my brother Jon, and my parents all went out to eat for what I called "The Last Supper" at a restaurant called Silo on 1604.  It is a very upscale restaurant that I have only gone to one other time in my life.  A friend of mine, Tim McWright, a wonderful saxophonist and minister had been leaving me cell phone messages that he had something to give me and that God was with me.  I had planned on calling him back after dinner.  As I was leaving the restaurant with my family, the elevator opened, and there was Tim.  He had never been to that restaurant before and he was just going there to make reservations for him and his wife for their anniversary.  (He had heard it was quite good.)  There we were standing face to face..I was so glad to see him and told him that I was going to call him back.  He told me that he thought my surgery had already happened and went looking for me at Methodist hospital to give me something. So, he went to Silo to make his reservations..In his hand he had a piece of paper.  He said I was looking for you at Methodist and I wanted to give you this..It said:

Psalm 57:1
Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me:  for my soul trusteth in thee:
Yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.

Now, I am not a religious person, but this really had me shaken.  My mom who is also not religious in the least began to cry.  I knew at that time that someone was watching over me and that I would survive the surgery.

More later....I hope everyone is getting a good night sleep!  Love to all, Em

The day before 9/29/10--pumped up

I am so pumped up full of steroids and other supplements the day before this treatment it's astounding.  I am extremely energetic and my personality is a little aggressive to say the least.  On the inside, I'm scared about tomorrow, but the supplements and steroids are making me feel tough too.

Ok so backtracking a lot..Here is how the whole breast cancer diagnosis went down...Since I've been 40 years old (I'm 41, 42 in November) I have been feeling bad.  Nothing I can really put my finger on..A few things were just getting tough to deal with.  My level of fatigue was getting worse and worse, my headaches were horrible, and my menstrual cycle and associated breast pain became horrible.  My mother and I would go on walks and I remember (and so does she) telling her "Mom, I just don't feel right.  I can't figure it out."  I had blood tests done to determine if I had a thyroid disorder, the docs did blood work and nothing ever came back.

One day in June after my period, I had horrible breast pain and a lump that would not subside.  So, my doctor sent me to get a mammogram and they found two suspicious spots that were small but troublesome looking.  Usually breast cancer doesn't present with pain, so I was encouraged with that.  The biopsy came back positive for breast cancer.  One was cancer inside a water cyst (the water was negative).  This was the site that was hurting so badly.  The other cancer was an incitu cancer on the completely other side of the breast...I didn't feel that one at all. Honestly, if I hadn't had pain, I would have delayed the mammogram..

From there, I went to see a surgeon who diagnosed the one I didn't feel as a stage 0 or incitu cancer and the other one near my armpit as a stage 1 invasive.  From there I went to see a plastic surgeon ( a genius and a nice guy by the way) who told me about a procedure called the DIEP flap.  Essentially, both breasts are removed by a general surgeon.  The skin of the breast is kept, the nipples are removed and replaced with abdominal skin, and then fat from the abdomen is placed under the breast. (And I got a tummy tuck) Since my right breast couldn't be saved because of two sites in opposite sides, I had to have a mastectomy.  The biopsy also showed that I had a type of cancer that was fairly aggressive and had a good chance of coming back.  I opted for the double mastectomy and I totally don't regret it.  Before the surgery, I had a final MRI that showed that I had a 3 tumor in that same breast, a stage 1.  It was amazing to me that 3rd lesion wasn't conclusive on a regular mammogram.

Ok there is more to this story..I'm just getting started back-tracking here..

As of today, I'm back at work, and in a lot of ways I feel better than I have felt in years..  I have been riding my bike or walking on the treadmill every day..Ok, today I didn't because I went out for dinner and dessert since I have chemo starting tomorrow.  But for the most part....

Have a great night friends...Enjoy every moment that you have on this wonderous and crazy planet!

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

I have never done a blog before, but I think that I need to start documenting what I'm going through with my breast cancer diagnosis.  Tomorrow is called "Day 0" also known as the day before I start chemo.  I will have a whole host of drugs to take before I even start chemo and every day until I'm done.  My first chemo starts on Thursday, September 30th, 2010, and my final chemo will be on January 13th, 2011.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to recount everything that has gone on so far since my diagnosis on 7/8/10.

Goodnight all,


 Em